Trauma-Informed Doesn’t Feel Enough Anymore

I was in a certificate program learning from esteemed professionals about the nervous system when I suddenly noticed something inside my own nervous system shift; I was responding differently in my body to the professionals who wove personal stories into their presentations. I noticed I was more engaged and taking more notes. I am sure the other professionals came to their work for meaningful reasons, but it was easier to connect to the ones that presented through a lens of personal experience. I think it’s similar to what makes 12 step programs work; lived experience has a real impact. I think that impact offers a sense of safety.

This observation stuck with me when I recently updated my website.  The words “trauma-informed” just didn’t feel enough anymore. It didn’t feel like it properly conveyed what truly informs my work and how I show up in sessions. My work with clients is sacred to me. I honor the vulnerability required to show up in a stranger’s office or online and learn how to connect to their nervous system. The protection that has been learned over a lifetime needs to soften and offer permission for the work we do together. Some clients come with no boundaries, and coping skills that are no longer working. Some come with soo many boundaries they fear they’ll never feel safe enough to even begin. And that is where I work, bridging the possibilities within both of those extremes. Finding the way with the client and not for them. My own practitioners show up the same way; their work is not just informed, but shaped by experience.

Necessity brought me to this work.  Multiple car accidents led me to understand the benefits of massage. It took decades before I finally followed my dream to learn to practice it myself. I discovered nervous system regulation because my body could no longer allow me to live in fight or flight mode and hypervigilance. I didn’t want to be medicated to the point I could not function; I cannot see the point in that. So, I found practitioners and videos and learned about somatic embodiment. Took courses on Somatic-work for trauma and attachment healing. Additionally, I learned cupping; the first time my acupuncturist used cupping on me, I decided I had to learn it, share it and add it to my sessions. Similarly, I started receiving energy work when I needed to understand and accept my own abilities. I have always been an intuitive empath; I just didn’t think I could bring my empathic abilities into my work in helpful ways. My intuitive abilities are actually very helpful in sessions. These skills helped me to learn how not to absorb everyone else’s energy and emotions. If you are unsure that is possible, as I believed: I can tell you it is possible.

My healing journey started in high school and hasn’t stopped. I have explored and gathered many tools along the way. Some worked for a phase, some always worked. And some that other people rave about just do not work for me. When I work with clients, we experiment and integrate what truly builds capacity and sustainability for them.

What I notice the most with clients is the weight they all carry. They can feel it in their shoulders, their hips or their lower back. Either they have never had a place they could put any of it down or never felt that they even could. I have been in each of those places at some point myself. From having been on the side of the seeker, I can feel the difference when someone has been trained in something but hasn’t lived it. I just did not always have the language to explain it.  

In massage and bodywork school I was taught to be careful with the wrists and ankles. Gripping a wrist or ankle too tightly or pulling on them too harshly may be a trigger for someone with a history of abuse or assault. I am grateful my instructors taught me about that. It is soo important for bodyworkers to know about and practice this awareness. I felt it in my bones when the instructor spoke of it because of my own history. I know what it feels like to be triggered by touch. I experienced abuse and experienced having a massage trigger it. That is why I say my work is trauma-experienced and consent-driven.

When I say trauma-experienced, I am saying that my work is informed and shaped by my own experiences of trauma and healing. That is added to what I have learned about how to be trauma-informed. And when I say consent-driven, I am not just referring to the informed consent form my clients fill out and sign, or the verbal consent to different modalities. My consent-driven care means I am continuously asking for consent. I am also picking up on the nonverbal cues of your body and your energy too; the cues that permit or decline.

I think it is important for anyone working in therapy, coaching, or teaching to be trauma-informed. Honestly, if everyone in every profession was, I can only image how different things could be. I am soo grateful it is taught and incorporated increasingly more now. I described myself that way for years. It just no longer feels like it fully fits. I could see and feel the recognition in my clients when they realized, “oh, she’s lived this too. She’s done this work. She has trauma that she has integrated.” That recognition is a form of safety for many. Yes, I am trauma-informed, and it does not end there.

I am still learning, exploring, practicing and integrating. I view my triggers as gifts and thank them for the communication when another layer is ready for me to heal. I do my practices regularly. I know all too well that this work is a spiral and not linear. My healing journey is life-long, and that is why I approach my work from beside my clients, not from above or ahead of them.

If you made it to the end…I am curious, did anything shift or stir in your body as you read this?  Take note of that; it’s helpful information.